Ahhhh..... What am I feeling right now...?

Either I am really excited of someone I've met or I'm just heading to that same path that really hurts when you walk there... especially when you've been through it over and over again... It all ends up me being single again and again . I am always careful with the opposite sex , I always hope the one I choose might understand me... but yet I was the one that didn't understand myself therefore how could anyone else would understand me . I was really lying to myself , to be so naive that to trick myself so that the one I would cherish the rest of my life to show herself . I am supposed to know that she won't just pass by , and live happily ever after ? It didn't happen to me.... maybe not yet... . And there is this collective chemicals produced in my brain whenever I'm socializing with her making me feel really alive. As if a prove to exist. This feeling seems random and dynamic ... things I've really I have not gotten used to , is it just primal instinct?
I can't put it anywhere , this feeling ... It feels empty yet it is filling in ... it feels pleasant yet impatient .... It feels like falling but you've already landed... . I just can't place it anywhere . It doesn't fit with anything else . For example when I'm happy , I just experience that light tingle to laugh out loud ... or smile widely .... This I know is not the same ..... I know I can't smile widely ... It'll just ruin that feeling .... I could laugh but then what jokes are for..

It was always dangerous emotionally to tread this path... We all know that . It hurts . Its the sense of fear to be rejected and/or not to be accepted . That's the benefit of us being pretty much picky . We block out the potential pain .

In my humble opinion ..... this feeling isn't meant to find the ONE but to make your search harder so it makes it all worth the effort.....

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Published in 2008

Malaysia